He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
