dude i'm inner monologue high
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
