Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
