dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
