Walk of Shame. In a state park.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
