so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
