i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
