Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
one might say we're banned from that church
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
