i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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