If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
