i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
