Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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