oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
My pussy is not your playground.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
