what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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