I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Someone shattered a urinal.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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