Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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