I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
