the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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