You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
