some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
