Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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