dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
