Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
