Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Randomize