i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
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