Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize