Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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