yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
