it was like his penis was on wheels.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
