are you still at the devil's house?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
