So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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