So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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