By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Found the puke drawer
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
