you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
