Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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