Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
