Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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