I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
