Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
