Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize