I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
