Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
