once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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