My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
