Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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