I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Just high enough for therapy.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
