yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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