who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
