He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
