you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
