I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
