I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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