my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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