Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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