this boner is exhausting
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
