Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just cut my nipple shaving
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Bring me that man meat
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
