Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
