1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
