Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Randomize
