She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize