I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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