I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
