Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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