Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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