i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
