and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
