She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
